I do believe there is certainly a problem with women having a "second shift" in this world. I see it all the time. I grew up with it. When my father came home from work, he's sit down and watch tv. My mother would have dinner just about done, and then we'd all sit down to eat. After dinner, dad would go watch tv and mother was left to clean up.
On the other hand, I'm a very very lucky woman. I knew this prior to filling out the task chart for this section, but I can honestly say that the division of labor, despite the fact that my husband works full time and I'm a stay-at-home-mom, is pretty equal. Of the listed tasks, many of them (14), my husband and I work together on: sometimes working side by side, other times taking turns. There were fifteen tasks listed that I do solely, or almost solely. And there were five tasks that my husband does solely, or almost solely. Grant it, when my husband is deployed or on TDY, I do everything on the list either by myself or with the help of my children. But I filled out the chart as if my husband was home.
I certainly think this is why we've been married longer than most of our friends and why I can say that after fourteen years of marriage I am looking forward to the next fourteen. A fair division of labor between wife and husband means less resentment and more time for both spouses to have "down" time or "veg" time.
I argree with you. There are things that have to do all on my own, but there are several things that my husband does that I don't help with. Like paying the bills. Taking care of my and my daughter's needs. I did used to think that I did a lot more (around the house), but now I have leared that he does do a lot more outside the house. In this sense, we doo our equal share of keeping this family going. And, because of our understanding of this colaboration, I do believe that we are living peacfully together (becaue we know our places in this relationship).
ReplyDeleteYou are very lucky that you and your husband work together on much of the household chores. I agree that this is probably why you two have stayed togther as long as you have. Helping each other is a big part of marriage and like you said when you share the chores no one feels resentment toward the other.
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